Christmas is for...

I have always loved Christmas... as far back as I can remember, I was the one in the family that wrapped all the gifts (except my own) :)  (NOTE: after a conversation with my mother this evening, it seems my memory is not what was reality) I enjoyed baking, carolling, acting, dressing up, hot cider, pumpkin pie, sweaters, boots, parties, Christmas cards in the mail, thick winter coats, giving to others, crafts, the hope of snow (in the Pacific NW snow isn't always inevitible), movies and cartoons with Christmas themes, candlelight services, hymns, nativities, hunting for the perfect LIVE tree and decorations, Rudolph, and EVERYTHING related to Christmas.

As time has gone on, becoming an adult and a parent, Christmas has remained special in my heart (the true meaning of Christmas, being the celebration of Christ's birth and giving to others as God gives to us), but I've found it difficult to battle our societies materialism and busy-ness. In light of this, I have been challenging myself this year: GIVE MORE, SPEND LE$$.
Here are some of the things I have changed and focused on more than in past years.

• I'm giving out MORE Christmas cards- it seems that we are receiving fewer and fewer cards in the mail each year, which saddens me. I have resolved to send out more instead of cut back. They bring joy to my life, so I think they must bring joy to others.
• We eat the gingerbread house! In the past it was for display, as if it were some sort of Christmas trophy... which made my children sad. Why not eat it and enjoy each little gumdrop?
• We drive around and take walks numerous times a week to see Christmas lights.
• Knock on neighbor's doors to say Merry Christmas!
• Volunteer to gift wrap in a department store (this is being organized by our Pastoral Intern- great way to love others!)
• My daughter and I baked and frosted cut out cookies together... this may seem like a normality, but in the past I never made the time to do this with my children :( It's messy and time consuming- but what is a kitchen for and who am I wanting to spend most of my time with? Baking and my children... and sharing memories.
• Each day my little girl do something to celebrate Jesus' birthday month... color a nativity picture, sing Happy Birthday, make snowflakes, read a Christmas story book... just to name a few.
• No packages under the tree until Christmas morning... what a controversy, huh? We have fewer gifts this year and in an effort to minimize the materialism and greed, we are making Christmas morning a BIG surprise!
• Celebrating Saint Nicholas and who he really was- an amazing Christian man who was a great example of giving, rather than the magical mysterious Santa Claus.
• My son and I hunted and conquered the perfect little Christmas tree from a local tree farm. We had breakfast afterward and made memories that we will cherish.

Christmas is for making memories. Christmas is for celebrating love. Christmas is for giving more and spending less.

...the wrong era

There was a windstorm last night. A windstorm that caused a power outage in our little town (and apparently across the region). This power outage got me thinking about something I mull over from time to time.

I think about our society and the things that are a continuous internal battle for me. Sometimes I wonder if I was born in the wrong era (I know this is truly not the case and trust that God put me in the right place at the right time, but I still think about these things). Here are a few thoughts-
I struggle with the concept of needing a gym, a nutritionist, and vitamins in order to be a healthy person. I also struggle with the fact that we are always trying to figure out how to connect with others, yet when invited to join in fellowship we can't even find the time to give a proper RSVP or commit to attending when someone else is expecting and anticipating your presence. It also feels as though our modern conveniences give us more feelings of angst than ease.

In past centuries, people worked the land. This was their job and way of providing food for themselves and their families. There were no overweight people because they walked where they needed to go, they were required to get up off their butts to do their jobs and ate food picked fresh and full of nutrients... now we sit to do our work and eat preserved processed foods, some from far off lands butchered from who knows who and others picked way before it's prime, ripened on a truck or ship.
In past centuries, people tended to the fact that we were made to fellowship with others. Townfolk knew eachother intimately and knew the needs at hand. People sat on front porches sipping lemonade and iced tea. And when invited to a friend's home, they came because they knew it was important to connect. People danced- everyone knew how to dance! Another reason there wasn't a 'battle of the bulge'.
In past centuries, there were no microwaves buzzing and dinging. There were no airplanes, cars and busses causing noise and air pollution. There were no background sounds constantly distracting us from peaceful moments. People used to write letters and poetry, they painted and played the piano. Children climbed trees, used their imagination and watched clouds. There were times of silence and we were comfortable with that. Now people are 'bored' if they're not being entertained or 'doing' something. No one can just 'be'. We must 'do' in order to be of any value.

When I arrived home last night during the windstorm, my home was silent and glimmered with candlelight. I enjoyed the moment so much, I cuddled my daughter in the darkness and noticed how beautiful her hair was glistening in the light of the flames. I also hugged my husband a little longer than usual since we stood in the kitchen undistracted by anything else. We went to bed EARLY. I wished it could have lasted for days... the peace. The simplicity. The beauty of silence. My love of a power outage.

...no monetary value

Since my full time job has no timeclock, no sick pay or paid vacation, not much glory, not enough pats on the back, and no apparent monetary value... not to mention I'm not earning 401k, pension, social security, disability or healthcare... I thought I'd do a little research that you might find interesting or atleast somewhat entertaining. Or you may be thinking, "Really? This is how she spends her time? Phshaw." Either way, I am on a little mission to find out how much a modern day American mother would technically be paid for all her duties, according to http://www.salary.com/ . (keep in mind I took the low end salary with an Associates Degree as my education, of which I do not have- but exceed that in experience value)

• $33,600- Administrative Assistant
• $57,200- Home Healthcare Aide
• $54,000- Project Manager
• $35,000- Nanny
• $46,000- Academic Advisor
• $37,000- Taxi Driver
• $36,000- Youth Councelor
• $23,000- Housekeeper
• $47,000- Party Planner
• $68,000- Travel Agent
• $39,000- Personal Cook

Instead of financial security and a retirement safety net, I get to be a wife to an amazing man who loves me for who I am without asking me to change, a mommy to four children whom have been entrusted to my care, a daughter-sister-friend to so many people that I love... all of which I have the freedom to do because of my non-dollar-paying job. I don't know what I would do with all that money anyway :)

... family standards

Each family is vastly different... and while I'm not here to tell you that I'm an expert at how every family should do their thing, I can tell you that many people have asked me how I 'do it all'. And I can tell you the truth- I DON'T. We do it together.

Here are some of the things that are standard in our home. I call them 'standards' rather than 'rules' because there's always room for modifications and they aren't followed as a religion or checklist of musts, but as 'something we usually do'. I share these with you since I have noticed over the past few years that they may be what sets us apart from most.

• We nap. Sleep is #1 priority in our home- when we're well rested, we get along better and 'do life' better together.
• We have dinner together every evening with the tv off (although we're known to watch Wheel of Fortune together if we're eating at 7pm).
• Our family participates in the bedtime routine for our little ones- Mommy & Daddy dress them in pajamas, Mommy brushes teeth, someone reads a story, everyone gives hugs & kisses. My big ones are very connected and caring to the little ones even though there is a 9 year age span between the two batches. 
• We have an 'in your room' time for the big ones every night. This allows Mom & Dad to regroup after the day's happenings and chill out together.
• The children take care of their 'family responsibilities'. These are things that need to be done in order for our family to run somewhat smoothly. We do not pay them for these tasks, just as they do not pay me to grocery shop or keep the bills paid.
• Our big ones are responsible for getting themselves ready for the day. From setting their alarm to allow adequate time for morning routines to fixing their breakfast, preparing their own lunch, and getting to their destination on time. They have done this since they were 8 and 10 years old.
• Our children are involved in only one extra curricular activity at any given time, outside of church functions and school. They are not overscheduled and I am not overtaxed by trying to keep up with them.
• As long as I can remember, we have had one scheduled day off per week to be a family. It is typically Sunday. We'll usually go to church that day, sometimes go out to lunch or come home and nap. Relaxing stuff that helps us recharge our batteries. The only thing that is ever scheduled on this day are church functions.

So there you have it- I hope these things inspire you to try something new with your family that you feel needs some adjustment.

Be blessed-

...memorable summer

This past summer I strived to make things more 'fun', 'eventful', and 'memorable' for my children. My boys are teenagers, you see... and I view each day as an opportunity for memory making. I feel that my time with them is coming to an end (as if when they turn 18 I'm not going to have the chance make any more memories). It's silly, I know... but this was my focus of the season the beginning of summer, and I was wanting to make the most of the time that we have together as a family of six.

We went to California to visit family for my grandparent's 65th wedding anniversary celebration. We went to Pacific City, OR for a family reunion, took a trip one Saturday to the Bite of Seattle, and rented a cabin on Camano Island for a weekend getaway, among various local activities and events. I FELT ACCOMPLISHED.

Once fall was approaching, I took a moment with my boys, and asked them how they felt about the summer and all the 'fun' we had. I was excited about their response and was somewhat hoping for lots of reminiscing on how this was the best summer EVER!  and thought maybe I would get a little kudo or two. Their response was unexpected, "It was tooo BUSY!"
UGH. I suddenly realized that I was the mom I never wanted to be. The mom who overschedules her children.

I now realize that I had succumbed to society's idea of what should be done within a summertime- families should go on vacation. Families should site see. Families should spend LOTS of money in one day at an adventure park, and families must support their local major league sports teams by cheering them on from the stands and buying $5 hotdogs. Mothers should have something exciting to say to other mothers when asked "What did you 'do' this summer?" Shouldn't they?

So I'm going back to my old way of doing things... letting kids be kids... hanging out with friends, going on walks, playing games, eating dinner outside, riding bikes to 7-11 for slurpies, rolling in the grass, wiffle ball tournaments and movie nights. I used to do these things because I'm cheap and most of them are free... but now I realize the true value of them.

Thank you, boys, for being honest with me and not saying what you thought I wanted to hear.

...time

Time. It's quite an overwhelming concept when truly pondered. Even more so when you look it up: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/time It's the only thing you can spend and never get back. It's what American's claim to never have enough of. I've heard many say time is money. 'They' say it's of the essence, heals all wounds, and flies when you're having fun. People kill it, keep it, mark it and make it.

The phrase I have had the hardest time with is "I don't have time." I can't help but think to myself "Really? You don't HAVE time?" Aren't we all granted the same 24 hour segment of each day? Is it possible that everyone is actually saying that they haven't come to the point in life that they want to exercise their right to say 'no' to activities that absorb their time in an unimportant or ineffective way? Or maybe they haven't hit rock bottom of being so overwhelmed that life comes to a screeeeeeching halt, then requiring a major 'time management' overhaul.

I have struggled with the feeling of being absorbed with life... spinning out of control. I am continually telling myself: it is okay to put priorities on things. It is okay to admit "I just haven't made time to complete that task (rather than "I haven't had time")". It is ok to say "no" when asked to do something that would take precious time away from things that are of more importance to me, and it is okay to realize that I let other things get in the way sometimes.

God has given me the gift of time... I pray that I spend it in a way that is pleasing to Him and respectful of the gift.

...the dishwasher!

A monumental event happened in my life this week. I may even look back on this particular event, many years from now, and shed a tear or possibly smile with contentment. Or maybe I'll do both.
For quite a few years now, as a family we have worked together to keep things running smoothly. When my husband and I considered expanding our family 6 years ago, I knew that a major thing I would have to do to make this transition work, would be to let go of some of the control I had over keeping our home at the standard I thought it needed to be. I needed to be ok with my boys doing their own laundry, and trained them to do so. I needed to be ok with them cleaning the common area bathrooms, vacuuming, and dishes. These things do not need to be perfect in order for life to run. They simply need to be completed. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/motivating_kids_to_clean_up/age_appropriate_chores.aspx helps give us a guideline on how and when parents can expect your children to do various chores.
So back to the monumental event... "What is this major happening?" you ask?
I arrived home after a crazy day of errand running and typical taking care of things, and my 13 year old son was working on his homework at the dining room table. He had already completed his chores for the day. And what else did he do without being asked? He noticed the dishwasher was full of dirty dishes, and instead of walking away from the machine as if it were going to magically develop a detergent filled reservoir and start the dish cleaning process itself, ladies and gentlement, YES!, without request, he started the dishwasher!

...so far, so good!

I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember, and I have recommitted myself to following Jesus more closely on many occasions along the way. But I have always struggled with finding the time and desire to read my bible on a regular basis, let alone everyday. There's even  been a time where I was cleaning my home and moved my bible, only to see the void in the dust :(
Over the years I have been involved in numerous bible studies just so I 'had to' read my bible- since I would be accountable to others, this was a motivating thing to me. However, when the study would end, so would my bible reading... and I have always noticed a change in how I'm internally able to deal with life when I'm not giving myself the gift of perspective through God's Word on a daily basis. I've also tried personal devotions and haven't followed through with that either... in addition to that, a 'verse of the day' calendar is perched on my bathroom counter- yep, you guessed it, always on a date other than yesterday or today.
I'm relieved and excited to say that I think I've found my bible reading nitch- ON MY COMPUTER. You may notice that I visit my computer daily, and it occurred to me that I should find a bible reading tool online to assist me in my heartfelt desire. Awhile back, I found http://www.odb.org/ which is the online version of Our Daily Bread devotionals... the same little booklet my parents used to read together at the dining room table, only with today's reading convenience. I aspire to do 3 things before my little ones rise each morning: Shower, Coffee, Bible Read... so far so good!

... Party of Five + One

As my family has grown, I have caught myself thinking- "What's the big deal? We have 4 children, it's really not that many!" Why do people say "WOW, you have FOUR kids?" I don't feel it's that many, but I can understand why it may seem like a lot...
For nine years we lived as a family of four- according to http://www.wiki.answers.com/ our family was smaller than average. We loved our 'little' family. We went to and fro with ease. Life was good! About year seven as a family of four, I began thinking about whether or not I was ready to be an empty nester. At that point it would have happened to me around the age of 39. This was also the time in life where I was finally settling into my identity as a mother... prior to this I identified with the idea that motherhood just 'happened' to me and it was something I struggled with truly becoming. I was seeing God's plan for my life and our family, I had a strong inner voice telling me that there were people missing in our lives, there were empty spaces at our dinner table that needed to be occupied.
We went from a family of 4 to a family of 6 within the window of 3 years- and it has proved to give all of us a greater perspective on life and a balance to our family in so many amazing ways. We may not be able to get a seat at a restaurant without a reservation (you know, tables are made for a party of 4, not a Party of 5 +1), attend the fair with one discount package purchased at Safeway, or have large college funds for each of our offspring. However, we are better parents and better people who are learning to care a little more about others than ourselves each day. And we have children that will hopefully turn out into the world with sensitivity to the opposite sex because they were raised with both brothers and sisters, children who share more naturally with others since they've HAD to for years, sons who see the value in waiting until later in life to have babies, and daughters with a strong sense of what type of man they should seek.
Thank you, Lord, for our "WOW, you have FOUR kids?!?" family!

...How are YOU, really?

I love people! I am currently a little captured by the reality that we are all unique, and God has put a strong desire in my heart to learn about people and hear their stories... to relate to them on some level... to know them deeper than the drive by 'wave' or the usual greeting 'how are you?' (which usually has no meaning at all, have you noticed this?). I strive to truly find out- "How are YOU?" It's been quite interesting to have people look at me quizzically when I verbally nudge them for more information. So, be prepared, my friends... to give me an answer other than 'fine' 'good' or 'well'... because I'll likely be asking "How are you, REALLY?"

...Maloney Mayhem

"You're SO organized!" I know people are trying to give me a compliment, and I appreciate that... it's nice to know that I give the illusion of organization. But sometimes I feel as though the compliment is their way of comparing themselves to me... as if they're actually putting themselves down in some way. This  may not  be the case, so I try to respond with a simple "Thank You", and not give in to telling them all the reasons why they're delusional :)

In reality, I am just like you. I do as much as I need to in order to survive and carry on. I only do that much and no more! In the past I strived to have the perfect home with the perfect marriage and the perfect family (I know, it's silly and I never succeeded). It was way too much work! I am now secure enough to invite you in when there is food on the floor, crumbs on the table, fingerprinted windows and refridgerator, mail on the counter, soap splatters on the bathroom mirror, cranky or disgruntled children, toys everywhere- but you'll always have a place at my breakfast bar or on my ten year old sofa. Welcome to Maloney Mayhem, we're happy you're here!

...it's not bologna!

I know, I know... you're probably thinking "She spelled bologna wrong! Doesn't she know the jingle we all grew up on, featuring Oscar Meyer hotdogs?!?"
Well, let me just tell you that dictionary.com may disagree with you. Because, you see, we're not talking about processed meat patties, we're talking about the random nonsense in my mind that I have to process in order to not sound like a bumbling idiot when I speak. Here's the proof from dictionary.com: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/baloney