...memorable summer

This past summer I strived to make things more 'fun', 'eventful', and 'memorable' for my children. My boys are teenagers, you see... and I view each day as an opportunity for memory making. I feel that my time with them is coming to an end (as if when they turn 18 I'm not going to have the chance make any more memories). It's silly, I know... but this was my focus of the season the beginning of summer, and I was wanting to make the most of the time that we have together as a family of six.

We went to California to visit family for my grandparent's 65th wedding anniversary celebration. We went to Pacific City, OR for a family reunion, took a trip one Saturday to the Bite of Seattle, and rented a cabin on Camano Island for a weekend getaway, among various local activities and events. I FELT ACCOMPLISHED.

Once fall was approaching, I took a moment with my boys, and asked them how they felt about the summer and all the 'fun' we had. I was excited about their response and was somewhat hoping for lots of reminiscing on how this was the best summer EVER!  and thought maybe I would get a little kudo or two. Their response was unexpected, "It was tooo BUSY!"
UGH. I suddenly realized that I was the mom I never wanted to be. The mom who overschedules her children.

I now realize that I had succumbed to society's idea of what should be done within a summertime- families should go on vacation. Families should site see. Families should spend LOTS of money in one day at an adventure park, and families must support their local major league sports teams by cheering them on from the stands and buying $5 hotdogs. Mothers should have something exciting to say to other mothers when asked "What did you 'do' this summer?" Shouldn't they?

So I'm going back to my old way of doing things... letting kids be kids... hanging out with friends, going on walks, playing games, eating dinner outside, riding bikes to 7-11 for slurpies, rolling in the grass, wiffle ball tournaments and movie nights. I used to do these things because I'm cheap and most of them are free... but now I realize the true value of them.

Thank you, boys, for being honest with me and not saying what you thought I wanted to hear.

...time

Time. It's quite an overwhelming concept when truly pondered. Even more so when you look it up: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/time It's the only thing you can spend and never get back. It's what American's claim to never have enough of. I've heard many say time is money. 'They' say it's of the essence, heals all wounds, and flies when you're having fun. People kill it, keep it, mark it and make it.

The phrase I have had the hardest time with is "I don't have time." I can't help but think to myself "Really? You don't HAVE time?" Aren't we all granted the same 24 hour segment of each day? Is it possible that everyone is actually saying that they haven't come to the point in life that they want to exercise their right to say 'no' to activities that absorb their time in an unimportant or ineffective way? Or maybe they haven't hit rock bottom of being so overwhelmed that life comes to a screeeeeeching halt, then requiring a major 'time management' overhaul.

I have struggled with the feeling of being absorbed with life... spinning out of control. I am continually telling myself: it is okay to put priorities on things. It is okay to admit "I just haven't made time to complete that task (rather than "I haven't had time")". It is ok to say "no" when asked to do something that would take precious time away from things that are of more importance to me, and it is okay to realize that I let other things get in the way sometimes.

God has given me the gift of time... I pray that I spend it in a way that is pleasing to Him and respectful of the gift.

...the dishwasher!

A monumental event happened in my life this week. I may even look back on this particular event, many years from now, and shed a tear or possibly smile with contentment. Or maybe I'll do both.
For quite a few years now, as a family we have worked together to keep things running smoothly. When my husband and I considered expanding our family 6 years ago, I knew that a major thing I would have to do to make this transition work, would be to let go of some of the control I had over keeping our home at the standard I thought it needed to be. I needed to be ok with my boys doing their own laundry, and trained them to do so. I needed to be ok with them cleaning the common area bathrooms, vacuuming, and dishes. These things do not need to be perfect in order for life to run. They simply need to be completed. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/motivating_kids_to_clean_up/age_appropriate_chores.aspx helps give us a guideline on how and when parents can expect your children to do various chores.
So back to the monumental event... "What is this major happening?" you ask?
I arrived home after a crazy day of errand running and typical taking care of things, and my 13 year old son was working on his homework at the dining room table. He had already completed his chores for the day. And what else did he do without being asked? He noticed the dishwasher was full of dirty dishes, and instead of walking away from the machine as if it were going to magically develop a detergent filled reservoir and start the dish cleaning process itself, ladies and gentlement, YES!, without request, he started the dishwasher!

...so far, so good!

I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember, and I have recommitted myself to following Jesus more closely on many occasions along the way. But I have always struggled with finding the time and desire to read my bible on a regular basis, let alone everyday. There's even  been a time where I was cleaning my home and moved my bible, only to see the void in the dust :(
Over the years I have been involved in numerous bible studies just so I 'had to' read my bible- since I would be accountable to others, this was a motivating thing to me. However, when the study would end, so would my bible reading... and I have always noticed a change in how I'm internally able to deal with life when I'm not giving myself the gift of perspective through God's Word on a daily basis. I've also tried personal devotions and haven't followed through with that either... in addition to that, a 'verse of the day' calendar is perched on my bathroom counter- yep, you guessed it, always on a date other than yesterday or today.
I'm relieved and excited to say that I think I've found my bible reading nitch- ON MY COMPUTER. You may notice that I visit my computer daily, and it occurred to me that I should find a bible reading tool online to assist me in my heartfelt desire. Awhile back, I found http://www.odb.org/ which is the online version of Our Daily Bread devotionals... the same little booklet my parents used to read together at the dining room table, only with today's reading convenience. I aspire to do 3 things before my little ones rise each morning: Shower, Coffee, Bible Read... so far so good!

... Party of Five + One

As my family has grown, I have caught myself thinking- "What's the big deal? We have 4 children, it's really not that many!" Why do people say "WOW, you have FOUR kids?" I don't feel it's that many, but I can understand why it may seem like a lot...
For nine years we lived as a family of four- according to http://www.wiki.answers.com/ our family was smaller than average. We loved our 'little' family. We went to and fro with ease. Life was good! About year seven as a family of four, I began thinking about whether or not I was ready to be an empty nester. At that point it would have happened to me around the age of 39. This was also the time in life where I was finally settling into my identity as a mother... prior to this I identified with the idea that motherhood just 'happened' to me and it was something I struggled with truly becoming. I was seeing God's plan for my life and our family, I had a strong inner voice telling me that there were people missing in our lives, there were empty spaces at our dinner table that needed to be occupied.
We went from a family of 4 to a family of 6 within the window of 3 years- and it has proved to give all of us a greater perspective on life and a balance to our family in so many amazing ways. We may not be able to get a seat at a restaurant without a reservation (you know, tables are made for a party of 4, not a Party of 5 +1), attend the fair with one discount package purchased at Safeway, or have large college funds for each of our offspring. However, we are better parents and better people who are learning to care a little more about others than ourselves each day. And we have children that will hopefully turn out into the world with sensitivity to the opposite sex because they were raised with both brothers and sisters, children who share more naturally with others since they've HAD to for years, sons who see the value in waiting until later in life to have babies, and daughters with a strong sense of what type of man they should seek.
Thank you, Lord, for our "WOW, you have FOUR kids?!?" family!

...How are YOU, really?

I love people! I am currently a little captured by the reality that we are all unique, and God has put a strong desire in my heart to learn about people and hear their stories... to relate to them on some level... to know them deeper than the drive by 'wave' or the usual greeting 'how are you?' (which usually has no meaning at all, have you noticed this?). I strive to truly find out- "How are YOU?" It's been quite interesting to have people look at me quizzically when I verbally nudge them for more information. So, be prepared, my friends... to give me an answer other than 'fine' 'good' or 'well'... because I'll likely be asking "How are you, REALLY?"

...Maloney Mayhem

"You're SO organized!" I know people are trying to give me a compliment, and I appreciate that... it's nice to know that I give the illusion of organization. But sometimes I feel as though the compliment is their way of comparing themselves to me... as if they're actually putting themselves down in some way. This  may not  be the case, so I try to respond with a simple "Thank You", and not give in to telling them all the reasons why they're delusional :)

In reality, I am just like you. I do as much as I need to in order to survive and carry on. I only do that much and no more! In the past I strived to have the perfect home with the perfect marriage and the perfect family (I know, it's silly and I never succeeded). It was way too much work! I am now secure enough to invite you in when there is food on the floor, crumbs on the table, fingerprinted windows and refridgerator, mail on the counter, soap splatters on the bathroom mirror, cranky or disgruntled children, toys everywhere- but you'll always have a place at my breakfast bar or on my ten year old sofa. Welcome to Maloney Mayhem, we're happy you're here!

...it's not bologna!

I know, I know... you're probably thinking "She spelled bologna wrong! Doesn't she know the jingle we all grew up on, featuring Oscar Meyer hotdogs?!?"
Well, let me just tell you that dictionary.com may disagree with you. Because, you see, we're not talking about processed meat patties, we're talking about the random nonsense in my mind that I have to process in order to not sound like a bumbling idiot when I speak. Here's the proof from dictionary.com: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/baloney